“I don’t pray because it changes God’s mind, I pray because it changes my heart.”

“God must love stupid people; He made so many of them.” – Unknown

“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” – Emo Philips

“I find it interesting that we are quick to believe in mythical creatures like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, but struggle to believe in a loving God.”

“Why do we never see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’? – Unknown

“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.” – Unknown

“If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.” – Eddie Izzard

“Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!” – Unknown

“God created the world, but everything else is made in China.” – Unknown

“I told God I wanted a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” – Unknown

“I asked for a chicken and an egg at a restaurant, but I forgot which came first, so I ordered the chef to wait.” – Unknown

“I can resist everything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde

“What do you call a nun who sleepwalks? A roamin’ Catholic.” – Unknown

“God must love irony; He made mosquitoes and marijuana plants.” – Unknown

“I was going to be an atheist for Halloween, but I didn’t believe in it.” – Unknown

“Don’t let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses was once a basket case.” – Unknown

“When life knocks you down, just get up and say, ‘I must be in the wrong house!'” – Unknown

“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito in the room.” – Unknown

“Never trust an atom. They make up everything!” – Unknown

“Why did Noah bring insects on the ark? Just in case he needed bug spray.” – Unknown

“Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!” – Unknown

“God created man before woman because you always need a rough draft before the final masterpiece.” – Unknown

“Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.” – Unknown

“Don’t criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes – that way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes.” – Unknown

“What kind of car does Jesus drive? A Christler!” – Unknown

“Why did Jesus cross the road? To forgive the chicken’s sins.” – Unknown

“It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen

“If I have to choose between Heaven and Hell, I choose chocolate.” – Unknown

“God gave us a sense of humor because He knew we’d need it to survive life’s absurdities.”