“May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.”

“May your life be as bright and shiny as the ball drop at midnight.”

“New Year’s resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.”

“My New Year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full of rum instead of half-empty.”

“May all your troubles last as long as your resolutions!”

“May your neighbor give you the strength to make it through New Year’s Eve without giving up and calling the cops.”

“Here’s hoping that we can all stay up to see the new year, instead of passing out before midnight!”

“I never make New Year’s resolutions because I’m perfect. Happy New Year!”

“May you remember to write the correct date on your checks this year!”

“New Year’s resolution: Get more sleep…and by that, I mean take more naps!”

“May the New Year bring you even more hilarious memes and funny videos to share on social media.”

“New Year’s resolution: Stop procrastinating… starting tomorrow.”

“May your New Year’s resolutions last as long as your diet and workout plans.”

“Wishing you a New Year filled with laughter, joy, and fewer embarrassing moments caught on camera!”

“May all your troubles in the coming year be as short-lived as your resolutions.”

“New Year’s resolution: Survive the holiday season without gaining weight. You know, just like every year.”

“Wishing you the joy of a kid in a candy store, minus the cavities. Happy New Year!”

“May your New Year be filled with as much laughter and joy as the Internet brings us cat videos.”

“Wishing you a New Year that’s as fabulous and fun as you are!”

“New Year’s resolution: Drink more water and wine… because staying hydrated is important!”

“May all your dreams for the upcoming year be fulfilled, except for the ones involving snacking on potato chips while watching TV in bed. Those may your resolutions!”